Labels: standup-comedy

After 15 years with Microsoft co-founder and Dreamworks investor Paul Allen, Steven Spielberg announced he is going to work for Steve Jobs at Disney, ending speculation that the wunderkind director has, in fact, switched to Mac.

Spielberg admitted he is easily seduced by big budgets and that the "Switch to Mac" ad campaign, with a budget that easily dwarfs even the most obscene Hollywood comic book adaptations, was "really starting to get to him." He said goodbye to Paul Allen, wished him success with that weird, idealistic Jimi Hendrix museum project, and arrived bright and perky the next morning at ABC Disney, ready to get to work.

Unofficially, Steve Jobs is rumored to have remarked Spielberg "looked really good in Mouse ears," but then added that the "3D modeling department at Pixar had already created Spielberg Mouseketeer using Renderman and the director would likely only be needed for occasional voice-over work."

Labels: lack of daily variety, satire

A financial report from the State of Alaska revealed that the value of raw materials exported from the state declined by more than 11% in 2007.

2008 proved to be an exceptional year, however, as Alaska lead all other states in the export of raw material for political comedy.

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In Newcastle, PA, a couple have been jailed on charges that they cooked methamphetamine at home and took their baby daughter along with them on drug deals.

The young girl is now a ward of the State and social workers report she is a very fast learner.

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In Frankfort, Kentucky, more horses are in quarantine after an outbreak of sexually transmitted disease that causes infertility in mares.

At press time it was not made public as to whether the disease had infected former Kentucky Derby champion studs Street Sense, Foolish Pleasure and Genuine Risk.

Labels: topical jokes, two-liners