EXT. TWO LINERS FOR 2009.05.29 - TWILIGHT
This past week a drunk man unsuccessfully attempted to break into Fort Knox, America's piggy bank, using nothing but a screw-driver.
Police said the man misunderstood news reports that Bernie Madoff had stolen 50 billion dollars from America's piggy bank using nothing but creditors who'd been screwed-over.
---
In McIntosh Alabama, the local Splenda manufacturing plant will be closed, eliminated approximately 120 jobs.
The plant has been producing sucralose for the past ten years, but the British-based company plans to relocate the facility to the Pacific Rim in what Singapore officials are calling a pretty sweet deal.
---
Hollywood is an uproar as fans of Adam Lambert are demanding a recount for the American Idol finale after rumours of ATT voter fraud surfaced on the internet.
However, Jeb Bush was quoted as saying he knew from the start that Kris Allen was going to win, and that there was nothing wrong with the ATT voting system.
Labels: topical jokes, two-liners
